Thursday, November 04, 2004

The 100 Greatest Blog Monents - #74

Graham Norton: Welcome back to The 100 Greatest Blog Moments countdown, in association with Always Ultra. Our next entry is the first appearance of the night for The Observer’s Robert Hamilton. The question is though, which classic moment is it? Be afraid, be very afraid…

OK, so who's expecting a replay of
the first time?

Afraid not, nothing of that sort happened. If you're only reading this post for that sort of material, sorry to disappoint you. For those who recognise that I still only possess "all the authentic fumbling uncertainties" (taken from the Observer article about me and this blog) of an innocent, wide-eyed little boy, this post is more aimed at you. Well, not aimed at you, but at least in your range of interests. So yeah, we didn't go any further than kissing. Honestly. It was great kissing, very passionate, but no further. Which is good. As you all know, I go very slowly, almost continental-drift-like, when initiating anything of this kind, and this just about fits in with my usual style.

She didn't seem to mind either. At least as far as I know. There were no complaints, at any rate.

Vernon Kay (TV Presenter): Yes, I remember this very clearly. Me and Tess (TV’s Tess Daly, his wife) settled down for the evening with a bottle of wine and the latest Honestly, I’m Sober when we saw this gem. Rob, as I like to call him, being a friendly Bolton-bred arse candle, describes kissing this girl. Julian isn’t it? It’s one of those moments that everyone can remember what they were doing when they heard.

Faye Tozer (Steps): A lovely moment, but for me the artistic presentation deserves the highest compliments. Robert tells us about it with the world-weary charm of the big-gun raconteurs. In my eyes he really is the new Ustinov.

Peter Ustinov (Big-gun Raconteur): I’ve heard people call young Hamilton the new Ustinov, but he’s got more in the locker than me and my world-weary charm. His timing is up there with Bob Monkhouse, Ernie Els or Dave Seconda, who made watches. Good watches. It was a magical piece of bloggery, I’m sure the awards will come flying in.

Graham Norton (Again): Not everyone shared Peter Ustinov’s opinion however, feeling Rob sold himself short in the pursuit of a sexy time.

Terry Christian (From Manchester With Glove): Well there was always that kid at school wasn’t there who did a blog and went on about girls and had some other guy analyse it in a specially set-up piss take blog of his own wasn’t there? For me Hamilton should’ve just shagged her, it seemed like it was a dead cert if he wanted to double his tally if you know what I mean?

Michael Winner (Esure Direct): If I was Hamilton I would’ve taken her out to dinner. I’m starving.

Graham Norton (Entertainer): Perhaps the final word on this classic piece of blogmongering should be reserved for somebody who’s been there and seen it all.

Dustin Diamond (TV’s Samuel ‘Screech’ Powers): It was only after Saved By The Bell – The Even Newer Class finished its fourteenth season that I found my life was empty and unfulfilling. I’d graced bedroom walls across the US of States for over two decades and to have that snatched away at the tender age of 42 was a bitter pill to hurdle. I turned to I’d heard about it in the legendary Viper Room, apparently other stars whose careers had spited their faces had trodden the same bush. Rob Lowe, Donny Wahlberg from NKOTB, the ginger one from Sex and the City, they’re all up to their eyeballs in blog juice. It takes over your life, before you know it you’re unable to make a decision because you’re thinking of how the consequences would read on your net page. I really do think Hamilton would have fucked this girl hard had he not been blogged off his face.

Graham Norton (Blog Virgin): May that be a lesson to any kids out there interested in blogging. Films such as Blog Day Afternoon and The BlogFather may glamorise this terrible addiction, but there are much deeper issues to consider, and possibly analyse in a counter-blog. Call 0800 50 50 50 for free advice, calls are charged at £1 per minute. After the break, we learn all about the Kruger Cigarette from a certain Christopher Hindle. Stay tuned…